My coaching experience!

I had two clients today and one yesterday.I'd heard that the coach should help the coachee to see his/her issue in different perspective,the point was supporting the client to make the shift and not to push him/er to shift.
I experienced it today,when I ask my clients to tell two stories each one separately.My first client told his stories and I was W.A.I.T ing and then found the common behaviour which my client has showed and gave him that as a feedback.I said: what I heard was that you've done this same behaviour in facing those situations,tell me more.What kind of commitment made you to do that?
Helping him to reach out to his UAC(Underlying Automatic Commitment)and supporting him to choose how to support that UAC in order to make a positive shift.It was the aha moment for him.
A few hours later I received my second client call,I ask her the same question,having her to tell two stories.She told her stories but this time I CONCLUDED the common hidden behaviour showed by her in both stories.She agreed first and I thought I've helped her a lot but then,when I asked what did you take away from this session instead of what I expected,she said nothing much.
I think she'd not reached the point that I'd reached,maybe I was not able to supporting her to touch her UAC.Maybe my conclusion was like a judgement and it was not helpful for her,maybe she got aware of her UAC but not willing to let it go.What if I just mirroring what I'd seen in her stories,did I receive a reply like I'm now more clear on my issues in this session instead of I got nothing?
It was a good experience to get in touch with the philosophy of coaching.What do you take away from my experience?what's your perspective around it?

What trust brings to your life?

When it comes to trust,mostly we think of a broad range of reliability to someone or something which itself comes from a strong background of cognition and it never comes without it.
We are naturally looking for information showing that the reliability to the special thing is for sure,so when there are not those information there's no trust!!!
But what exactly trust can bring to our lives?
What contexts need to be trusted?
When you are struggling with an special issue,how trust will work?
Trust to what by the way?
Trust to :what's happening is perfect regardless of what it is;
When you trust,you feel secure,confident,joy,....
To trust means: everything that has happened includes an important lesson ,it's a part of the journey of life,to trust means acceptance and letting go,it means gain.
Imagine yourself in the situation when you're not sure of what's going on,what makes you overwhelmed?what makes you confident?
What does stop you from trusting?Is that what you are judging?
Where does all of our concerns come from?

Mind Mapping and Coaching

I had a session with a client who had so many ideas in her mind,different issues and concerns,she spoke a lot and I just listened.

listened and listened until she said:"You see I am totally distracted and overwhelmed,what should I do?I don't know how to make things work!to what extend focus on these concerns,these issues,they've lied in different contexts......!!!!"

And then she stopped talking.....

I W.A.I.T.E d for a while,then she continued:"I've been in these kinds of situations in different times and parts of my life and just passing the time has helped me to deal with them by now!"

Then there was a silence........I asked:"Is there anything else you want to share?"

She said:"No that's all".

I said:"Let me think"......What do you think about doing an exercise right now?

She said:"Please go ahead".

I asked:"Please bring a paper and a pen".

She said:"done".

I asked:"Please write down your major issue which is common in all of the issues your struggling".

1. Draw a circle around it


2. Write down your different issues around the circle and connect them by some lines to that circle


3. Now describe a bit about each one briefly,just with the simple words,the description involves the answers to some Wh questions,like:Why?Where?When ?What?Who? and also a How?


4. Add to them your ideas ,solutions that come up in your mind

Please give an appropriate label according to above stages,I mean 1~4

One more thing,REMEMBER TO MARK YOUR PRIORITIES IN THIS MAP WITH DIFFERENT COLORS.".

Guess what!!!!

She took a big silence so that I thought we've lost the connection......suddenly she said:"That's wonderful,I love this tool I found how to organize my mind".

The tool is called:MIND MAPPING

On the right side of this post you can find a simple example of a MIND MAP.

What do you think about this tool?When do you think we can use it?

Intuition in Coaching

"The only real valuable thing is intuition." -Albert Einstine
Intuition!!!What does it mean exactly?
This is essentially,arriving at decisions or conclusions without explicit or conscious processes of reasoned thinking.
It is sometimes thought that intuitions are reliable,and indeed we do act most of the time without knowing why or what our reasons may be.
It is certainly rare to set out an argument in formal terms,and go through the steps as prescribed by logicians.In this sense,alsmost all judgements and behaviours are 'intuitive'.
The term is used in philosophy to denote the alleged power of the mind to perceive or 'see' certain self-evident truths.
The statues of intuition has,however,declined over the last century,perhaps with the increasing emphasis on formal logic and explicit data and methods of science.
As we know intuition works as an essential part of coaching,actually as a power tool, in a tele dialog mostly received information come from listening,so you may find out how intuition will be helpful.
But how to use it and shall we trust it?
If we never successful in having it to work during our tele dialog how much of our information will be lost?
Do you think or have you ever found any evidence showing we can empower our intuition by practicing?
Which kind of practices will be useful then?

Relationship coaching

I was thinking about Life Coaching as my niche,but what approach in that would be the best for me?So I tried to research about different approaches in this special niche.
I started my research with making a list of my favourite approaches,in my list I found relationship coaching which was very interesting and usable.
I continued my research by listing different usual issues happening in every close relationship including mother/kids,wife/husband,Friends relationship,etc.
Finally I faced to one of the most destructive issues which is controlling others.
Controlling comes from lack of trust or security.We control others to make sure we have them close to us and never loose them , in other words feel security in our relationship, without considering others rights.
Also we control others because we can't trust to them or to something about them,we don't trust to their abilities,their way of doing things,their perspectives and their thoughts and opinions.
We judge them and destroy our relationship with lack of acceptance.
If we could trust and feel secure in each situation what would be our response to others?

Presence vs. Concern

During the sessions I've had with my different clients,I found my power tool which has helped me so many times.
Nowadays which is the time of rapid growth in technology; many times we have seen people who are anxious and worried about the future.They are physically here but mentally somewhere else. When they come to us seems they are scared about doing something or not sure how to do it.
Being at this moment make us feeling lightened, it brings a huge freedom of the future anxieties or the past related events.It also brings acceptance, trust and judgment free state of life.
In the one part of the introductory sections of "Unbearable lightness of life" Milan Kundera says that: "The absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthy being, and become only half real,his movements as free as they are insignificant.What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness? "
The German expression Einmal ist keinmal encapsulates “lightness”so: “what happens but once, might as well not have happened at all. If we have only one life to live, we might as well not have lived at all”; if concluded logically, life ultimately is insignificant. Hence,because decisions do not matter, they are rendered light, because they do not cause personal suffering.
Yet, simultaneously, the insignificance of decisions — our being — causes us great suffering,perceived as the unbearable lightness of being consequent to one’s awareness of life occurring once and never again; thus no one person’s actions are universally significant.
Said insignificance is existentially unbearable, given that people want their lives to have transcendent meaning.
The amount of lightness of life is so that we can not bear it, and so we bring our fears and concerns to give it weight without considering the disappearance of the beauty of life ,ignoring the power of growth hidden in that lightness.
When you fly you are able to see every possibility around you.When we are living in the present moment, we are making the doors of opportunities opened.When we concern about the future we may unconsciously loose the control. It seems we are in lack of trust.
What if we trust that everything has its best ending point which is empowering and brings forth.
There will be no room for concerns then, it will make us move confident to make the best choice at the present and still having the power of the change. Concern brings burden, presence brings freedom.
Think about one of the fears that you have in your life,what does this fear give to you?
Now imagine that you were a person who doesn't have your special kind of fear,what opportunities have this person in the plate?
How do you feel if you were that person?

Doing your best in the present vs concerns

When I was talking with one of my clients who is my colleagus as well yesterday about concerns and how to get rid of them,he said:"You are extraordinary that can be not worried about the future".
YYYes ,maybe he was right,maybe not,we, as humanbeings are always waiting for the brighter future,better results, our dreams to come true in a not long time from now,.....and sometimes waiting for miracles to happen in front of us in a magic way.......Yah! these are true and all of us,at least for just one time have experienced these moments of expectation!!!!!
and so do I !!!

What everyone do in these moments depends on their perspective,their beliefs,their past experiences and even the amount of their patience,.....
But what makes us extraordinary in these moments is how much we take everything significant,and how much we need fun in our lives,how much we want our dreams to come true and how much the goal we are concerned about is really really what we want!!!

Everything will happen through an action,even when you are thinking about your willings you are in action,since according to the law of attraction you are attracting opportunities to your life at that moment.....,
So,where is the place of our concerns here?
When you are in action,you are in the way of reaching your goal,you are doing your best to acheive what you want and if you really want it,there would be no free space for concerns,you will occupy every moments with a plan,structure and action,you will feel freedom,joy and happiness in every moment.......
because now, will be the past of the future and if you fill it with the future concerns ,what will you achieve?
I do my best now to achieve more in the future,I enjoy my life now to have less regrets in the future,what will you do?

Does NLP can work during coaching sessions?

As everyone who is familiar with NLP knows,it's a special kind of communication in which the NLP practitioner is going to get as much information as s/he can get from the clients,in order to help them enrich their map of reality that they have.
The researchers determined that in communication,7% of what we communicate is the result of the words we say,or the content of our speech,38% is a result of our verbal behavior,it contains tone of the voice,timbre,tempo and volume.55% is about nonverbal communication,our body posture,breathing,skin color and our movement.
So what do you think about coaching communication?
BIG QUESTION???
We have mostly telesessions with our clients,due to the research results it seems that we loose 55% of information,how to compensate it?
Do we able to get the rest of information just by asking powerful questions?Visualization?Role playing and ask them to describe their feelings and .....
How to deal with telling the truth?.......

NLP and coaching

For the first time when I came across with NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) in my life was when I attended in a seminar as a student at university,it was not clear for me at that time that how could it work,it was just a word untill I decided to be a coach,especially an international coach.
During a coaching session goals are set based on the clients values,usually clients are not commited to the goals which are not aligned with their values,on the other hand sometimes there are some beliefs and judgements that keep them back from moving forward.
But why people have different values?Where do the beliefs and judgments come from?
As a coach,do we have to know about all of those questions's answers?
We are trained to let the past and whatever related to it go,but to what extend we should let them go?
"NLP began as a model of how we communicate to ourselves and others which was developed by Richard Bandler and Jhon Grinder.This model explains how we process the information that comes into us from the outside.The belief is that:THE MAP IS NOT TERRITORY. And so the internal representations that we make about an outside event are not necessarily the event itself."Tad James,M.S,Ph.D
So it seems that as our beliefs and values mostly come from our past,our families, our culture and many other things such as our past decisions and experiences which obviously make our brains operating system,it will be a good idea to know more about them,at least whenever we are encountered with a client from a different culture.
Maybe it's better to take a look at their map in order to enrich it for them.
If you bring a computer to your office with an unfamiliar OS what would you do?
Do you change the OS or try to get to know it and learn how to communicate with it?

When should we use NLP in coaching?

Trough one of my coaching education sessions, I heard from my instructor that cultural specifications might effect on our coaching process with our clients,one of my classmates reminded a good point in this issue.She told that maybe our clients speak in English but think in their own language.
What a great valuable point!!!
But does it mean that we should just coach the people who have similar culture with us?So how to coach a client who is coming from other cultures?
How to handle this issue?I tried to challenge myself to be more clarified in this subject.
My instructor also noted another point which was fantastic,that was about different operating systems which somehow have run on different brains from different cultures......
Great point again!!!!
What if we could change that operating system with a new one at least during our coaching sessions or what if we could make a new protocol to be able to communicate despite of this big difference?
Finally,I found NLP(Neuro Linguistic Programming) as a great tool in dealing with cultural issues.
How to use it?

How being a coach client will make you a successful coach!!!

At the first steps of becoming a coach it is necessary to be coached.
It gives you an opportunity to learn more about the coaching process and will give you a new perspective.
When you play the role of a client in coaching relationship you can feel the clients feelings and willings so that you will be more helpful when you play as a coach.
for example,when your goal is set by a coach you can learn

1. How can you help the client to be more clarified in his/her life.
2. How can you explore the inner side of the client.
3. How to use your intuition to elicit more from the client .
4. How important is the client's words.
5. How effective listening is essential to now more about the client's values even those which are unknown by the client.

When you are encouraged by the coach you will learn

1. How the client's vision can be used to encourage him/her.
2. How much the encouragement helps the client being aware of his/her inside resources.
3. How much it empowers the clients to venture on change.
4. How much it can make the clients to be open to the new opportunities.
5. How can you help him/her to overcome his/her fears.

When you are just listened by the coach nonjudgmentally

1. You can feel how could you empower the client in this manner.
2. How could it be helpful for the client to realize other perspectives.
3. How can you help the client to find a strategy to solve an especial issue through loud thinking.

When you give a feedback you learn to be more present and focused.

When you recieve a feedback you learn how much of the informations we recieve from the clients would not be exactly what the clients mean .

How much powerful questions could be helpful to encourage and empower the clients to explore themselves.

And finally you can help the clients to reach their goals using a supportive coach who is beside them thrugh the way making them sure to reach their goals.

Being a client coach can help you feel what a client feels through coaching process and help you find your style and your individual coaching model.

Just try and enjoy it.

Being in the present !

A few days ago,one of my friends asked me about how to reach my goals in this age?

She thought she was not so young to dream and also she had responsibilities to her own family at first priority , rather than follow her dreams.

We tried to clarify all of her responsibilities and her goals together,and ofcourse her priorities,....

We found out something important that is common in most similar situations,where someone is in lack of time,complaining about not being in a desired statues and so on.
Present is a gift which is given to you to be opened and enjoyed.
If you wish to have more effective Time,you need to have more presence.
To be an active listener,you should listen attentively,paraphrase whatever you've heard and ofcourse you should check perceptions.
But how to get all of those skills?
It takes some practices but it's easy.
Have you ever had experience like this: you're going to read something or study an important subject,that's required for of your job,for example.
After openning the book a flood of thoughts comes and make your mind busy to focus on what you are reading.
You've dedicated a time slot for studying but your mind is traveling in the future or the past to solve the problems concerning to the times other than the present.
The useful questions you can ask yourself is:

• Do I need a specific time slot for those problems to be solved?
• What if you make free your mind from anything that's not related to the present issue?
• What gifts might be given to you by being in the present?
• Which tools do you need to have presence?

Through answer to these questions I found myself in the present moment, I dedicated several time slots to different issues of my life and became free of future related stresses, on the other hand I learned to use my time more effectively and above all of these I made practically myself to be an active listener.

How will your dreams come true?

If you are in a cross road in your life and don't know what to do,
If you're stuck in a situation and don't know how to move forward,
If you are not sure how to make a big change to reach to your goal,If you don't believe in yourself and your abilities.It might be a good time for A NEW APPROACH …….
Have you ever thought you can't get your dreams because of your moment conditions?
Have you ever looked at your circumstances as a great opportunity to make you powerful to go straight forward to your goals?
Think about it……!!!
Every new challenge in our life has so many faces; sometimes we just look at it as if you are overwhelmed in it and suppose that's all….
In our literature, there's a short story about the people who were in a dark room and there was an elephant there.
Every one of them who tried to describe that what shape could have the elephant.
One of them who had touched the leg of the elephant had guessed that that it's something like a column.
The other person who had experienced the elephant's presence had called it a big thick paper as its ears were look like.
The other one who just had touched the trunk of it had guessed that it's a big pipe, but when the light was turned on every body could see what the whole body of the elephant would be.
Sometimes a light is needed to clear the things more, sometimes a movement is needed to get different aspects of an issue.
Imagine how things will be different if you have a full dimensional image of any subject….
What will happen?
You will find yourself in a position to make the best decision , draw the best plan choose the best movement to reach whatever you want!!
But all above these, you can clearly find what you wish to be and what will make you happy and fulfilled.
Think about these questions deeply….
Which values are most important for you?
What are you doing right now? how do you feel about it? If you feel happy then go to the next question…
"If you continue this way how will be your future? "
Imagine yourself in the future, how will be your feelings then? If you can see yourself happy and satisfied, congratulations! you are aligned with your values. But if not, go to the second question :
"What do you feel right now? "
If this is not exactly what you wanted and doesn't satisfy you then think about your values and your dreams .
What will make you happy and fulfilled?
What is missed here to have that extraordinary life? Did you find it? Don't hesitate to make a plan.
A NEW APPROACH, a new schedule, you deserve an extraordinary life… Be committed to your plan!
A plan is just your map through your journey, you should choose the best way from it! What do you need to accomplish it?
That's true! You need some tools, be careful! You should select the best ones!
So!
It might be work to separate your journey to small pieces, for each part you may need a variety of tools …
Finally! Go ahead!
Take your tools, be creative and responsible and bring them into action!
Try your best! Show off best of yours.
That's it!Like what I learnt as Re-Framing tool.

How do I start a new approach!

Starting a new approach is absolutely depends on your perspective,it means how to look at a situation.
Have you ever heard of holograms?http://www.holo.com/holo//book/book.html
They are 3-Dimensional images that help you see a picture from different sides in different positions.
It is simply provided by some kinds of instruments using a laser beam as a reference and a laser shining the selected object,these instruments are used to measure the phase difference created by a reflected laser ray from an object and the reference beam to make a multi dimensional pictures.
I found Coaching like that instruments and especially that reference source of light which clarify an issue by means of showing different perspectives to give people the ability of seeing different aspects of a subject.
In this case one can be in touch with different angles of the specific issue,this can help him/her to decide which way is better to go.
Asking meaningful questions works as a torch that brightens the existed darkness in an image that people may have in their mind from an issue.
I think it's the most essencial part of coaching,actually the first step to help people as a coach.
It can help to start a new approach ,sometimes we are stuck in a difficult situation,because of our old visions and perspectives so that can't see how easy would that be to make things right.