Old beliefs

I couldn't stop myself to write my new lesson in belief  context. Here is what I learned....

when we are child events happen and we just watch them and give them an immature meaning, and we trust those meaning, review them, match them with our own image of reality and make abridge between our inner self ant outside, confirming those immature meaning again and again,....
And you might guess what will happen in our inner self when we move forward in our lives, the old meanings become our reality, they show themselves again and again , they have now created a strong belief system within us and we expect outside to prove them, so we start behave so that prove them as right entities......
Oh !!! so difficult to stand up again unless we get back in life to our little inner child and ask him/her if all those  meanings are really true?
Take his/her hands in ours and assure him/her that the life will show up differently if she stay in the confidence of flourishing........touch her/his heart with our mature one and give her a safety she needs for changing those old meanings in a calm environment.
NOW a new happy healthy Life has begun , with new beliefs.      

Manifest what you want most

These days are manifesting days to me! It is because I have manifested several things in just a few days.
you might ask how?
It's easy ! just the way the movie secret showed , but let me tell you the most important steps you must take in order for Law of Attraction to work.

• First of all you must get rid of old negative beliefs that take you back and make you stuck and stop and stay in the realm of possibilities

• then you need to make an intention

• the next step would be visualize what you want in the way that feel it with as much your sensations as you can

• the last step before manifestation is, letting it go and getting back to life with joy, love,excitement and expectation

just have fun with this steps and give thanks to God for all the blessings you've got. 

Law of atttraction

Where the emotion goes the energy flows

There are sometimes when we don't know how to response........response comes from a grown and positive personality , but what to do when we face people who are negative and/or immature, people who live in the past and not open to a constructive conversation?
People who think they are the center of the universe.....based on our standards and boundaries , maybe we decide to remove them from our lives but what if they are our family members?

Hello LIFE

Happy to start a new chapter of my life

God ! help me on my way! recently I have started PhD in Photonics, it was a dream to get involved in researching on some fields academically, especially on how visualization works...I've had always some ideas in my mind but never had a chance to develop them. Now I think this is the time, although some people think it's late for me to do that but I'm persistent ... And somewhere deep inside I feel great ......I started coaching in 2009 since then I've learned wonderful lessons !!!!!! trust and putting in actions my dreams . So grateful I am to my God who is supporting me always ......I know where to go by 10 years later and I trust that it will happen ......I will be a Professor and I am married by then.....I really love to support others to find their own way in their life journey ........ It's been a long time,since I stopped blogging, thats why I am not writing fluentl:))

How do we react and why?

Finally! I'm here again, after a long time of not being able to access my blog...
One of my friends, one day said : " It's so very difficult tolerating my old angry mom who is always judges others, yells and blames, It gets much more difficult when she starts to curse when others don't do what she wants".
As a coach who wants help others to stay happy, I asked her what is annoying her most? she said:" The way she treats people around her,even me, when people obey her, she likes them but if they resist to obey just after a few moment of helping her,she starts to curse..and I believe her curses work, since she is my mom I think she has to be obeyed always and God will never forgive me if I don't follow her orders. I don't know what to do?"
WOW!!....I said:" you believe she has right to curse you and others,right?"
: "yes"
: "how do you react this action of her?"
: " I stay silent for a while and when she doesn't stop I react the same as her, I think by her curse my future is destroying and I get angry"
: "aha...you feel angry because you believe God is waiting to obey her orders even if she is wrong and it destroys your future, so you get angry and feel annoyed "
: "yes, so what should I do?"
: "sounds like your anger and annoyance come from your believes about God's treats!"
: that's right
: what belief can you replace that keeps you calm when she yell or ....
:" I think I have to find one so that I think differently when she curs"
:" aha"
:" maybe I can repeat in my mind that GOD loves me and her both so he judges based on truth not based on her curs and leave her for a while until she stops"
: " good idea"
:" oh yes! thank you I figure it out..ha ha ha, everything was coming from my negative feelings and they came from negative believes about GOD and universe"

Values and our lives purposes

Have you ever thought about your life's purpose? why are you living in this world? what are you living for?
Difficult question, ha? It's more likely to ask why are you breathing? Seems we have taken our living for granted! In most of the time we set goals and start to get going towards it, but at the middle of the way , we start hesitating, IS THAT THE RIGHT WAY?
It's very similar to the situation when you devise a trip and don't know where is your exact destination......you may proceed to the nearest city but where to go after it?
When you don't have a specific map,it's not easy to keep going, each moment you may think of whether you are in the right way or not..
So how to make sure of being on the right track?
GOOD QUESTION !!!
Just take a look at what you've done and been fulfilled by it....what is most remarkable on them? What has made you satisfied ? What is common pattern between them?
Is that possible that you have been following goals that were based on your values and that's why you've been fulfilled?
What if you get clear on your values first then enlighten your purpose of life?

Communication

I was thinking about communication and the constructive and distructive factors that impact on it.
If you know how to communicate you may start a good relationship and if you don't know you may destroy it all at once.
But how to communicate? What are those distuctive factors we need to avoid when we communicate? How to make a good relationship?
Why do you start a relationship of any kind? what does it bring to your life that you have made it happen?
Take a paper and write down some of those reasons? Is there anything else? Yes/No? What?
Can't start writing? Need help?
Think about the moments you're alone, it happens for all of us in many times,regardless of who we are,what gender we have,....remember the first time you start to communicate with someone else,why did you begin to communicate?
Remember your best friend and the time you've spent with him/her?
What did s/he bring to your moments?
Now think about someone who you don't like to spend time with, what s/he bring to your moments?
How your feelings are different when you're in those moments?
Write down those two extreme scenarious in different sides of a paper sheet then compare them.
Ask from 5 of your friends to do the same, how similar they've replied?how different?
What factors are the same?
how are you going to bring those factors in your relationships?

Visualization and coaching

OH YEP!!!
That's what I researched recently......Visualization!!!
I'm going to bring what I've found and share it with you.
Here it is...
When I started to research, there was two directions I could take,one was about how it works in a scientific point of view,the other was how much it is helpful in coaching.
Let's follow the first direction at the beginning;
There are different explanations for how imagination works in terms of personal reality's creation and I present as much as I can.....
As Quantum Physics states,every material object can acts as a packet of waves as well.
By solving the most fundamental equation in Quantum Physics which has been introduced by Schrodinger in any special case,we will find a super position of states or probabilities as a solution for that equation, in order to reach out the final solution in the real world, based on what we are measuring or observing we reduce the states or probabilities to one state/probability.
The reduction of states during observation to just one state is what we choose in our reality,that means every one of us as an observer can change the reality just by choosing the special probability.....wow!!!
So by changing your thoughts you are able to change your environment.
There is also another explanation which uses the spooky action at distance, it also uses the functionality of neurons as electromagnetic waves producers in our brains, this electromagnetic waves can also demonstrate particle characteristics, when you sense something by your body's sensors these particle-waves been created by neurons, what if you just imagine something , it's opposite of sensation,right? in this way the source of the image can be ceated in the reality via spooky action at distance......
you may read my research paper in order to get more details....
Let's get back and go to the second direction , that means How it works in coaching...

there are two ways:

1. As a coaching tool/fieldwork/exercise helping the client reprogram his/her subconscious just like the way that affirmations work
2. By having the client imagine what s/he desires and supporting him/her through creation of a clear picture of what s/he wants, help him/her to come up with the best solutions

There are several effective visualisation techniques which I will bring about in my future posts...

Viewing an issue via different perspectives

For the first time when I heard about reframing perspectives it reminded me of holograms which you can turn around it to see the picture from different angles......
As I experienced more, I found that it's absolutely the same as viewing a hologram through different angles...let me show you how similar they are..
In a particular session when a client comes to you with a challenge in his/her life just with some questions you may help him/her to see the issue from different perspectives and the most poweful perspective will probably become the new one for him/her.
Here is some useful questions:
The perspective of Balance

• What's going on in other areas of life that is putting pressure on this area or making it more difficult for you to reach your goal?
• What do you have to thankful for in your life right now?

The perspective of time

• What will this decision look like in ten years?what will most crucial then?
• Imagine you are 75 years old,looking back on your life.what would you most regret if you took this road?
• If youwere still doing this in five years,how would it affect you?your family?your destiny?

The Perspective of passion/purpose

• Let's say this situation is custom-designed to prepare you for what you are born to do.How would that change your perspective on your circumstances?
• Why must this be done?

The viewpoint of others

• How is this affecting your family,relationships,friends and others around you?
• Just as an exercise,let's try on the perspectives of the other players,how would this look through your boss's eyes?

The perspective of freedom

• What about this situation is under your control and what if it isn't?
• What can you do about the part you can change?
• What can you do about the other part?

The perspective of motives

• What is motivating you to go this direction?
• What are you proactively reaching toward?
• What sre you trying to get away from?
• What do you need?

The perspective of confidence

Imagine yourself with total confidence that you could make this happen-you just knew that you knew.How would that change your approach?

OK! Now your client has been led to see the things differently,in other words has experienced different colors on his/her eyeglasses.

It's time to leave him/her to make choices!!!

Enjoy this exercise:)

Trust

This year I got apart from most of my intimate friends,those who I rely on most and share so many things with them....
When I heard another is going to leave I just got back to my heart looking for a reason ...
What's going on around me....a voice said you're now in a place in your life that can rely on yourself and be more strong....trust that everything is happening is perfect,trust God sending you the most precious gifts from now on......so a big smile appeared on my face sending my love to all of my friends who are distant but still in my heart.....

Gratitude

What are you grateful for? There's not much time when we look at what we have......
Mostly we look for defects,flaws and what we don't have regardless of this may hold us back!!!

The biggest question

It's a cloudy day of March and am sitting beside the window,watching outside.Trees have started sprouting and my mind is full of thoughts.
Recently I've been faced with several changes in my life and have not still settled down to the future,maybe it's time,maybe not!
I'm wandering what I really want?
The big question I've never thought seriously,maybe I've been so busy to think about it,but where was I going?what had made me so busy if I didn't know what I want?
I left to ask others if they know what they really want?there was no specific answer,seems nobody knows?
Trees know that they need to be grown,bring fruits or at least give others their Shadow or anything they have to offer.
Birds are singing,flying into the vast blueness of sky and I think they know what they want,they know what they are made for?
Even wind knows where to go and surprisingly I'm still thinking.......!!!!
The most wonderful question for all human beings :What I really want?Where am I supposed to go?
How to start going?
The most common aim which I could see in everything was happiness,so I took a paper and wrote what I've done already that has made me happy and has given to me joy and power,...
Gradually I become more clear....

Acceptance vs. resistance

There's time when we need to let something go.

Acceptance means make an agreement to take something offered.

Resistance instead means opposing or using force against.

If you could imagine that you've taken acceptance in one hand and resistance in other hand,what would you feel,which hand do you feel is much heavier and needs much more energy to stay in balance?

As the meanings say,when we accept something we may feel lightness and when we resist we are forcing something not to happen it means we feel burden.

Our belief system should be reconsidered so that we can manage our feelings in a better way.
What belief make you resist something?What's your perspective around it?
How can you re frame that perspective?
When we resist, mostly we are judging and according to our judgments we will try to control something,so can't let go of anything.
On the other hand when we accept we are not in a position of judging and new opportunities will come to us.
What do you think?

The crossroads of life

What do you do if you face a crossroad in your life?
A difficult point of making decisions,recently I've been in that point several times,wandering what to do next?
It might be easy to deal with those situations if there's nothing to do with your feelings,even if you are the one who has decided to bring those feelings in her heart,still it's hard to manage those difficult times.
What could probably help you figure all those hard times out is mostly trust.
Trust to what has happened is perfect for you and there's something you should learn from it.Letting go of any doubt and negative thoughts coming to your mind and moving forward will be absolutely the best action you should do in those hard times.
I discussed detaching from the outcome with one of my sweet clients and we reached the point of being in the present and not judging anything is the best way of acceptance and enjoying the process regardless of what outcome will be.
So,in those crossroads of your life what will you do?
What could help you or your clients who are in such situations?
The question that I often ask is what are you judging at that hard time?
and to help them make a decision and move forward ask them about the opportunities each way can bring to their lives?
and then what opportunity brings more joy to your life?
What question would you ask?
What tools would you use supporting the client who is facing a crossroad?

Fears

An old man said to his grand son :"Boy,I have two tigers caged within me,one is love and compassion,the other is fear and anger".
The young boy asked :"which one will win,grand father?".
The old man replied:"The one I feed".
What's your perspective around this story?
These are some of the things we fear to loose:

• Identity (Ego)
• Control
• Security
• Freedom (Free Will)
• Health
• Aboundance

Are you afraid of something?What might you loose?

My coaching experience!

I had two clients today and one yesterday.I'd heard that the coach should help the coachee to see his/her issue in different perspective,the point was supporting the client to make the shift and not to push him/er to shift.
I experienced it today,when I ask my clients to tell two stories each one separately.My first client told his stories and I was W.A.I.T ing and then found the common behaviour which my client has showed and gave him that as a feedback.I said: what I heard was that you've done this same behaviour in facing those situations,tell me more.What kind of commitment made you to do that?
Helping him to reach out to his UAC(Underlying Automatic Commitment)and supporting him to choose how to support that UAC in order to make a positive shift.It was the aha moment for him.
A few hours later I received my second client call,I ask her the same question,having her to tell two stories.She told her stories but this time I CONCLUDED the common hidden behaviour showed by her in both stories.She agreed first and I thought I've helped her a lot but then,when I asked what did you take away from this session instead of what I expected,she said nothing much.
I think she'd not reached the point that I'd reached,maybe I was not able to supporting her to touch her UAC.Maybe my conclusion was like a judgement and it was not helpful for her,maybe she got aware of her UAC but not willing to let it go.What if I just mirroring what I'd seen in her stories,did I receive a reply like I'm now more clear on my issues in this session instead of I got nothing?
It was a good experience to get in touch with the philosophy of coaching.What do you take away from my experience?what's your perspective around it?

What trust brings to your life?

When it comes to trust,mostly we think of a broad range of reliability to someone or something which itself comes from a strong background of cognition and it never comes without it.
We are naturally looking for information showing that the reliability to the special thing is for sure,so when there are not those information there's no trust!!!
But what exactly trust can bring to our lives?
What contexts need to be trusted?
When you are struggling with an special issue,how trust will work?
Trust to what by the way?
Trust to :what's happening is perfect regardless of what it is;
When you trust,you feel secure,confident,joy,....
To trust means: everything that has happened includes an important lesson ,it's a part of the journey of life,to trust means acceptance and letting go,it means gain.
Imagine yourself in the situation when you're not sure of what's going on,what makes you overwhelmed?what makes you confident?
What does stop you from trusting?Is that what you are judging?
Where does all of our concerns come from?

Mind Mapping and Coaching

I had a session with a client who had so many ideas in her mind,different issues and concerns,she spoke a lot and I just listened.

listened and listened until she said:"You see I am totally distracted and overwhelmed,what should I do?I don't know how to make things work!to what extend focus on these concerns,these issues,they've lied in different contexts......!!!!"

And then she stopped talking.....

I W.A.I.T.E d for a while,then she continued:"I've been in these kinds of situations in different times and parts of my life and just passing the time has helped me to deal with them by now!"

Then there was a silence........I asked:"Is there anything else you want to share?"

She said:"No that's all".

I said:"Let me think"......What do you think about doing an exercise right now?

She said:"Please go ahead".

I asked:"Please bring a paper and a pen".

She said:"done".

I asked:"Please write down your major issue which is common in all of the issues your struggling".

1. Draw a circle around it


2. Write down your different issues around the circle and connect them by some lines to that circle


3. Now describe a bit about each one briefly,just with the simple words,the description involves the answers to some Wh questions,like:Why?Where?When ?What?Who? and also a How?


4. Add to them your ideas ,solutions that come up in your mind

Please give an appropriate label according to above stages,I mean 1~4

One more thing,REMEMBER TO MARK YOUR PRIORITIES IN THIS MAP WITH DIFFERENT COLORS.".

Guess what!!!!

She took a big silence so that I thought we've lost the connection......suddenly she said:"That's wonderful,I love this tool I found how to organize my mind".

The tool is called:MIND MAPPING

On the right side of this post you can find a simple example of a MIND MAP.

What do you think about this tool?When do you think we can use it?